If you have experienced a significant loss in your life, you know that grieving is a never-ending process. Your relationship to it changes but it the intensity waxes and wanes forever more. Having seen the how ugly grief can be when one tries to bury it, I try to meet it head on. Honor it even…
Speaking of: A couple of months ago I had a tattoo placed on my right shoulder in memory of the wonderful man who came into my life during my teenage years and willingly took on the job of raising myself and my two sisters. He brought so much to the family: love & hope, discipline & direction. And much like a hummingbird, he seemed to drink up the sweetness in life. He even hummed (unconsciously) little tunes everywhere he went. Where there appeared to be only gloom, he found a way to MacGyver a magical fix to make it work out for the best.
Unfortunately 9 years ago, while in the midst of celebrating his triumph over his fight with cancer, he suffered a heart attack and died almost instantly. His death marked the beginning of a series of losses. Since then each year, as the days grow darker, I find myself experiencing a new level of the sadness.
Fortunately, it isn’t as hard as it once was. Still, the tears come year after year. It is now up to me to find my own way to MacGuyver a fix.
The biggest difference I have made since his death, and a few others, was not taking anyone or anything for granted. I say “I love you” as much as I can. I make sure my children know that I am proud of them — VERY PROUD. I do my very best to live my life fully and to cherish every day.
Yes, even the dark and challenging days of Autumn and Winter. For as dark as the days can be, Autumn is also a time to do as the trees do and release what no longer serves us. Leaves fall from the trees, and tears roll down my cheeks — perhaps a sign of a little more of the pain being released as well.
The tattoo serves as is a reminder to seek out the good in every situation, and to savor it for all that it is worth, just as my memory of this wonderful man does.
And on those days when I cannot seem to get out of bed, or let go of the sadness, I also have meditation and my daily yoga practice to help me out.