Taking it slow



It’s been a while since I have written here. I was been given quite a few new poses and was plowing ahead in my practice with determination to learn these new poses. The realization that the end of second series was coming to a close, with just 7 headstands left in the sequence, both excited me and made me nervous.

I wish I could say that I have mastered the poses leading up to these new one, but I haven’t. And I was okay with that until….another sacroiliac injury hit. Now, I am barely doing any yoga as I let my body heal. In the poses that do unfold on my mat, I notice a heightened awareness of how my body responds to even the most subtle of movements. I am learning a lot as I find ways to modify my approach to my practice (poses, props, and omissions). It is my expectation that I will come out on the other side of this injury armed with a lot of new knowledge.

In the meantime, I am reminded to take it slow in my return.

EPS + ME



Eka Pada Sirsasana (EPS) and I have been in a relationship for several years now. In the first year, after the honeymoon phase had ended, we experienced a challenging period of time. To be honest, neither of us were sure that our relationship was worth the effort. We went through a period of on-again-off-again for another 6-8 months before we decided to put in an honest and dedicated effort.

As is the case with many relationships, the magic doesn’t happen without seeing through the ups and the downs. Its as if each party needs to know that the other is all in and isn’t going to walk away as soon as a younger, prettier, and more flashy option floats by on the neighboring mat.

Each day, we showed up and spent time together. Some days, it was all we could do just to be with (barely tolerating) one another. Yet, other days, we spent as much time as we could together — exploring the likes and dislikes, discovering our strengths and vulnerabilities, and gaining some trust that the relationship might just work out for the longer term.

And because we have worked so diligently to become dedicated to maintaining the relationship, we are able to spend time with a few new friends (karandavasana, mayursasana, nakrasana, and vatayanasana) without jealousy. It’s good.

“In the darkness, I am light.”



Peace & Quiet



This past week, I got out of bed at 3:30 am as I have been doing every Wednesday for several weeks. The night prior, I had gone to bed early but also got up around midnight to help my boys out so that they could get to bed after a long work day. To be frank, I can’t sleep that well when they are going up and down the stairs anyway — so I figured it would benefit us all. Suffice to say that I was still quiet tired by the time the alarm sounded. Although I could have dropped my youngest at work (at 4 am) and returned home, I sat around for an hour and drove to the yoga studio hoping for a nice long take-your-sweet-time sort of practice.

With my choice of anywhere in the room, being the only one there, I choose the most isolated place in the room to roll out my mat for I already knew that I was not yet ready to socialize. My practice begun with a feeling of contentment, as I enjoyed a quiet similar to when wake before everyone else at home. About 10-15 minutes later, the next person arrived and rolled their mat out right beside mine. I whispered “Hi” but heard nothing in return. Perhaps she was feeling the same as me.

As the room slowly began to fill, I became more and more aware that my body just wasn’t waking up with my practice. In my periphery, I watched the other yogis flow past me in their practices while my tight muscles continued to ache. I kept on breathing and working through it, happy that the room remained dark, and hoping that nobody was watching the goings-on in my practice. And it was okay… until the lights abruptly came on as the assistant arrived. My body tensed up even more until, finally, I opted to end my practice early. I left the room about the time that my teacher arrived.

Did I Do That?



Today is yet another day where I have not been able to get my legs into lotus while in Sirsasana. It’s a little strange, yet also not strange at all. I wonder if I subconsciously created this struggle to get out of being officially given Karandavasana.

You see, just over a week ago, I was able to easily get my legs into lotus. On observing, Mojdeh (my teacher) commented that I might be ready to start working on it while in Pincha Mayurasana. In my mind, I thought “NO! I am definitely NOT READY.”  The next time I practiced, I couldn’t do it.

It kind of makes you wonder:

  • Do we subconsciously set ourselves up for failure out of fear of success that would require more out of us?
  • If we have done so, how do we undo the mess we created?
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